RELATIONSHIFTS: While I’m not out of the loop, this time I was quite obviously not “in” it, and when I recently found out about the G Shot, a shot that plumps up the volume in your urethral sponge, I was both saddened and appalled. All I can think of to say is “be afraid, be very afraid,” well, really that’s not all I can think of to say, but it’s a start. It’s not that I don’t think that a woman who really wants to feel her G Spot shouldn’t find a way to do so, it’s just that the G Shot is so not the way to go, and so not cool.

See, the G Spot is groovy, but it’s not the biggest deal in the world. I won’t argue with the fact that G Spot stimulation feels nice when it feels nice, but I love my clitoris way more than I will ever love my urethral sponge. So why some people are so G Spot focused that they’ll do anything to feel the deal is way beyond how I feel, but I understand that there are lots of people who don’t think like I do. There’s always been a lot of hype around getting off from his being inside of her without having to do any extra work to make it happen (re: playing with her clit). But that’s not the way it happens for more than half of the women out there, so I suggest that first and foremost if you’re a man who loves being with a woman (or maybe more than one woman) you learn a thing or two about the clit, and learn it quickly. And then when you learn to please her clitorally, you can start to experiment with the G Spot on your own time and give yourself plenty of time because you might need it. That means that the G Spot doesn’t always, or ever, work for some women, and that in order to fully figure out what works for any individual could take a mighty long time. The first (and one of the only times) I’ve ever experienced an orgasm without clitoral contact the whole process took well over an hour, and my wrist hurt afterwards (and I used one of those acrylic S shaped wands). In the end it wasn’t even any better, or any more special, than any of my other orgasms. So why man, why?

Man is why. The G Shot was designed by a dude, a male gynecologist, who wants to better his female patients, or maybe he just hoped to jump their bones after being the proud patentee of a shot that claims side effects including a higher level of arousal and a mental preoccupation with the G Spot. And once again a man (don’t get me wrong I love men. And even though I am not a man-hater, when it comes to female sexuality this always gets my goat) is telling women how to change how they feel, without knowing anything about what it feels like to be a woman (at least not in this lifetime)!

I don’t buy this G Shot, and I don’t want other “normal,” sexually active women to place too much emphasis on buying it either. Women confident in their own sexuality realize it’s not all that important to have to have G Spot orgasms if they’re not having them already. They know that the clitoris is the only organ we humanoids have that’s been designed for one reason and one reason only, and that’s pure, unadulterated pleasure. But when a guy wants to feel “like a real man” he invents the G Shot to help him do so, because maybe he hasn’t ever been able to please his women, and now he thinks by helping puff up her genitals he can find a way to please her better. And while I don’t think all guys think this way, I do think that most inexperienced men would look at the G Shot as a quick fix, and think that it could make them feel like a better lover, and therefore they might encourage their insecure wives to try it out. Remember if he satisfies her during sex, then he is the king of the jungle.

So what exactly is the G Shot besides something that makes me sad and itchy? It’s a shot that a doctor can administer to sexually active, “normal” women. It’s supposed to change how she feels about her G Spot. The patent-pending shot, which literally gets injected into her G Spot through the vagina, is a shot of manmade collagen (the collagen is called fascia), and again, it gets shot right into the top wall of her vagina. Even if it doesn’t hurt that much, why, oh why, would anyone do this?

According to the ahem, research, on the site in a trial run of “normal” women, 87% of them felt the better sex effects for up to four months after being shot in the heart of the matter. Which sounds fine and dandy, but still four months is four months and that’s not forever, and that means you’d have to get shot up again and again just to feel the rush, if indeed you aren’t one of the 13% that never felt the rush.

My vagina is my birth canal, a sacred place for certain sacred (and non-sacred) objects, and there’s only one type of prick that I’d like to have in there, at least for as long as I’m considered a “normal” woman myself. With risks that include infection, urinary retention, urethral injury and bleeding, (and not regular bleeding because of a regular cycle that requires the regular release of an egg) I am so out. You are who you are, and that’s got to be good enough. And if it’s not good enough then education is key, and education involves whatever you need to seek out your G Spot without the aid of a needle. Because you don’t need a needle to have better sex, all you really need information. Information like this information.